without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul
by moodyteenager
Summary: "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." Santana is forced to dig deep and use the strength she didn't know she had when a car accident threatens the lives of her wife and children.


**Chapter 1: The Moment That Changed Everything**

" _Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?" RENT, Seasons of Love_

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Santana's POV

Snow. Snow is everywhere. Fluffy white drops of crystalline water ice falling from the sky nonstop. Which is expected in New York City during December, of course, but tonight the snow is falling a hell of a lot harder than it usually does. Luckily though, I don't mind driving, I honestly never have. So when you suggested that I be the one to get us to my mother's home in Brooklyn, I didn't argue. You and I have always worked well like that.

"California!" Sophia yells excitedly. I briefly glance in the rearview mirror to see her little face smushed against the window and smile, just as a "Texas!" follows shortly after. This little game has been going on for almost two hours, and while I love our children more than anything, my hatred for license plates is beginning to expand.

"Mommy, how much longer?" Lauren asks, staring at me with tired brown eyes. I see you laugh and shake you head from beside me. Our girls are probably the most impatient human beings to ever walk this planet. You say they get it from me, but I can't remember a time when I was as impatient as they are on a daily basis. Honestly, Britt, Sophia can't stay still for more than five minutes without bouncing or talking.

"We still have a little bit longer, baby girl." You respond calmly. "Why don't you do a little reading from the book mommy and I bought you yesterday?" We exchange a subtle grin, because you knew I would have told Lauren the exact time down to the seconds if you had given me the chance to respond. I love you so much, Brittany, with everything that I am.

I slip my fingers through yours over the center console and squeeze gently, expressing my love and appreciation for you through touch. We've always communicated best through silence.

"Oh! Oh! Momma, guess what happened at school this morning?" Sophia exclaims and bounces in her seat a little as you ask her what had happened. "I got TWO one hundreds on my tests. Isn't that super awesome?"

"The _awesomest_." You play into her story with an excitement you save specifically for our girls. Watching you interact with our babies has made my love surge for you more than I ever thought possible. We joke all the time that one day my heart is going to expand too large for me to handle, and I might die from loving you all so much.

" _Is there a better way to leave the world, babe?_ " You would tease me, and I'd laugh and respond with " _Of course not Britt. I vowed to love you until the day I die, and I plan on doing just that."_

"Did anything exciting happen at school, Laur?" I ask our sweet and quiet girl. You and I have been working consistently on finding Lauren a hobby that could help her overcome her shyness a bit, but she hasn't seemed to have taken an interest in any of our suggestions. But we'll continue to try until we've found the perfect fit, because we would do anything for our children to make them happy.

"Not really, mommy." Lauren shakes her head and tucks a loose strand of dirty blonde hair behind her ear.

"That's not true, sweetheart. You aced all four of your quizzes." You quickly interject, never wanting Lauren to feel overshadowed by her outgoing younger sister. "Mrs. Hawkins emailed me today and told me you have the highest average in your class, she said she has a certificate for you when you go back after break."

Lauren perks a little and smiles brightly at you. "Really?" She asks softly, and my love for you both grows impossibly more. "Do you think we could frame it maybe?"

"Of course baby." I nod quickly. "We can go and buy a nice picture frame on our way back Sunday."

Lauren's smile grows. "Thanks mommy."

"Oh! Mommy!" Sophia yells. You snap your head around quickly and gently remind our girl to respect her surroundings and speak softer while we're in the car. "Lo siento." Sophia frowns and hurriedly apologizes. "But guess what?"

I can't help but laugh. You're letting your giggles escape freely and I bring our entangled hands to my lips to kiss your knuckles softly, before responding. "What honey?"

"Guess what I saw—"

And then there's headlights in the wrong lane— our lane. The tires screech against the iced roads and a small gasp escapes my lips as panic fills me. White hot flashes of pain course through my body and I reach for the closest thing I'm able to grab on to— You. Fuck, has the car flipped? Are we spinning?

You scream my name and the small cries of 'mommy' and 'momma' follow closely behind. I try to grab our babies too, because fuck Brittany, I swore on my life that I'd never let anything harm them under my control, but I just CAN'T reach them. You're screaming at me to do something, but I can't understand you, Brittany. I can't comprehend what's happening. Everything is too fast.

The dull ache in my head becomes more consistent and my conscious slips from beyond my control. I want to fight this because I can't die, B, and you can't either. We're so young, we have children to raise. I refuse for this situation to become fatal.

But there's nothing I can do. I'm physically unable to move and my brain is frozen in a state of shock and fear. We're all screaming one second, and then there's Silence.

"I love you Brittany." is the final cry to escape my lips before our world goes black.


End file.
